Deception
by tomo
Summary: Deception hangs all over them—it's in the very air they breathe… and Sirius will be damned if he doesn't use it to get to the bottom of it all. Sequel to Pretences.


Disclaimer: Again, the characters aren't mine (though I'd love it if they were).

Rating: R

Summary: Deception hangs all over them—it's in the very air they breathe… and Sirius will be damned if he doesn't use it to get to the bottom of it all. Sequel to Pretences.

A/N: Like in Pretences, the ones in _italic_ are the present scenes. Sirius' POV (unless stated otherwise). Also, as I've mentioned before, I haven't read past the 5th installment so there might be a handful of inconsistencies. Please bear with me.

**DECEPTION**

_I pushed you forcefully to the wall, savoring the sound of your gasp as the air was knocked out of your chest. My eyes closed in on your lips, wanting to bite down and draw blood—wanting it to hurt. But as I was to do that, a voice sounded in my head, "_That_ doesn't deserve a kiss. _Animals_ don't deserve them."_

* * *

><p>"I still don't think it's him." James looked at me from across the room last night, the fire casting shadows across his face, premature lines becoming prominent. Months of worry would do that to anyone, it would. But you wouldn't know that, would you? You weren't there, you lying bastard.<p>

"Look, James…" I tried, looking at him intently. "No." James said firmly. "He won't do it. He will never do it. How could you even think it possible, Sirius? You, of all people." He sighed, suddenly looking old and tired, "After all these years, Sirius. You should know. You _have_ to know."

I _did _know. And I wanted so desperately to believe to still know. But war breaks a lot of things you believe in, even things that I was so sure about before.

"But how do you explain it, then? How do you account for his disappearances? How do you explain the attacks? It's deadly accurate, James! A lot of us have been killed! Our missions are supposed to be top secret! How could they have known? There has to be a spy among us. There's got to be!" I shouted, trying to shove reason into James' head, reasons that he refuses to see.

James fell silent, as if weighing his options. You must thank him, you know? He stood up for you to the very end. "You may be right. There might be someone among us. But I'm still not convinced it's him. We have no proof, Sirius. Dumbledore gives his missions. Besides, he won't do it. Moony will never do it. Come on. You know he wouldn't."

I opened my mouth, ready to reason, ready to tell him all your lies, how you sold us to the other side; but James raised a hand and wearily rubbed his temple. "Let's just not talk about it right now. Please."

* * *

><p><em>I attacked your neck, biting hard enough to draw blood to the surface, and pulled your hair roughly to glare at your watery amber eyes. I watched in dazed amusement as tears spilled form them. I leaned in to taste it, finding it salty with a hint of bitterness. "Fuck you." I ground out.<em>

* * *

><p>"Hey, Padfoot! Have you seen Moony lately?" Peter asked half a year ago as we waited for the Order meeting to commence. Heat crept up my neck at the mention of your name. The last I remember was your back, shoulders wracked by sobs, as you walked out that fateful afternoon eight months ago. I never saw you again. Thinking about it now, I'd say good riddance.<p>

"No." I answered quickly, throat constricted. "I mean, he's going away an awful lot, don't you think?" Peter kept on, impervious to my discomfort. I wanted to tell him that I wouldn't know since I haven't seen you, but thought better of it. "I asked him where he was going last time but he wouldn't tell me." He stole a sidelong glance at me. "I'm worried about him, you know? 'Coz I heard he-who-must-not-be-named is recruiting werewolves from all over." At my silence, he continued on, "Not that our Moony would join his ranks, of course."

Of course, you wouldn't. That's what I thought then, anyway. Because you were always doing what was right, trying to keep us in line… the 'voice of reason' as James dubbed you. Well, fuck. You played us real good. A wolf in sheep's clothing… suits you well, doesn't it? I should have noticed sooner—then, I wouldn't be this insanely angry.

* * *

><p><em>You tried to grab hold of my hands as I tried to force your pants down. "Stop… no…" you kept on begging as you tried to squirm free from my grasp. I growled and tore your shirt off, causing your pleas to double. I would have none of it. I am in control. I laughed hysterically, your pathetic pleas only fueling me on. A backhand landed on your right cheek before I even realized what I was doing, causing you to fall sideways, eyes dazed and frozen.<em>

* * *

><p>It was when Harry was born three months ago that I saw you again. The implications of what Peter said before, your constant absence, the attacks we encounter and the casualties we amass added up in my mind, plaguing me for months.<p>

We were sitting by Lily as she cradled baby Harry to her chest, when you came in, all bones and skin. You looked around awkwardly, as if you felt out of place, averting your gaze when our eyes met. However, dark circles bulged as you smiled when James walked over to give you a welcoming hug.

"Oh, Remus!" It was Lily. "Where have you been?" She beamed at you as you went to her side. You peered at Harry and cooed gently. Were you already thinking of ways on how to get rid of him, you sick bastard? "Everywhere," you answered, "You wouldn't want to know." Bullshit. I wanted to punch you. What the hell kind of answer was that? How can you not tell us where? Why? Because you're meeting death eaters _where_ you've been? You chuckled lightly, seemingly way too engrossed with Harry. The sound of it irritated me. How was I able to stand that sound before?

"Don't get me wrong, mate," Peter piped up, filling in the silence, "you know we love you, but you look quite awful." I stole a glance at you, noting premature grays all over your hair, your thin, almost skeletal, frame, the hollowness of your cheeks, the sickly pallor of your skin. You did look awful. I wanted to feel sorry for you. But your lies, your secrets, polluted my blood, flooded my brain, pumped through my heart, leaving me delirious with anger.

"Maybe not as awful as how I feel." You murmured, smiling wistfully. James glanced at me but I pretended not to notice. So James knew. My skin crawled at the knowledge.

"Come now. Let's not talk of awful things!" Lily winked, as she squeezed your hand reassuringly, earning her a small smile in the process. I looked away, disgusted.

* * *

><p><em>You were limp and unresisting as I hurled your legs up and forced my way in, feeling warm wetness around me. You renewed your efforts as you started thrashing about, trying to throw me off. I slapped you across the face, the sound reverberating off the room. You then stayed still, with occasional sobs and winces of pain betraying your apparent calm. I wanted to strangle you as you lay there like a doll, pale skin gleaming like porcelain in the moonlight.<em>

* * *

><p>A week after Harry was born, a muggle family was murdered dangerously near Godric's Hollow. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end when the incident was relayed during the Order meeting, pictures of their grotesquely arranged bodies being magically flashed on the wall. I closed my eyes as nausea overtook me. In my mind, the faces of James, Lily and Harry melded with the faces of the muggles pictured on the wall.<p>

"Do you think they found out?" Peter whispered beside me. "Huh?" I looked at him. "I mean, do you think they found out where James is? But how could they, when the only ones who know besides us are the older members of the Order? Not that I think anyone would betray us." He then added.

I scanned the room, trying to look at anywhere but the pictures on the wall, when my gaze landed on you, motionless at the corner, back slumped on the wall, dozing off. "Moony looks tired, don't you think?" Peter said beside me.

You still looked as worn as the last time I saw you at St. Mungo's when Harry was born. Nothing's changed, except for the large gauze taped to your left cheek, with spots of blood soaking through. For a moment, I felt a wave of guilt as I realized that last night was a full moon—one of the many full moons that I haven't been there for you. "Or maybe just uninterested." Peter murmured to himself, loud enough for me to hear. And just as quickly as it came, the guilt vanished. My heart raced in agitation.

* * *

><p><em>I felt my heart race as I looked at you, lying helpless beneath me, as if you have paid for all the lies you've given us—given me. You thought we'd fall for your supposed loyalty—your supposed innocence? Well, James might have fallen for it, but I won't. And I will punish you for every bit of pain you've been causing us. So I drove into you ruthlessly, unmindful of how you passed in and out of consciousness.<em>

* * *

><p>I became overly conscious of how you talk and how you acted around us. I only noticed now how guarded you are. How quiet. As if you were just listening in on us, trying to see if we can let slip any information… waiting for a chance to strike. But no one noticed. And I hated the fact that you fooled everyone, even the ever-sensitive Lily. But you will not fool me. I will do everything to dig into your lies… expose you of your betrayal.<p>

"Hey." I said, as I tapped your shoulder lightly. You started, spilling some tea on your shirt. You were never this jumpy before. "H-hey," you stammered, trying to look busy wiping the stain off. I sighed, took out my wand and muttered a simple scourgify. You stared at it for a while before glancing up to thank me. "I-I'll just go and take this to the sink." You made to stand up but I grabbed your arm. You winced, causing me to release my hold. "Look, Moony," I started, perfect acting in place, "I'm sorry for what happened that day. I know I've hurt you. But please try to understand that…" "I know." You cut off, still not looking at me. "I understand… Padfoot," the last word sounding forced and foreign from your mouth.

I watched you walked away to take Harry from Lily. I watched as you swayed Harry gently, humming as you did, your smile not quite reaching your eyes.

* * *

><p><em>I gripped your hips with bruising strength as I continued driving into you. Further and further until I know that I'm near to reaching your core where you hide your true self. You then opened your eyes and stared at me. Frozen amber, fixed on my face, unmoving. They seemed dead to me. I faltered for a bit. But as cold fingers shakily ran up my arm, and the eyes again hidden under drooping lids, I regained my bearings, and rammed myself forward even harder than before.<em>

* * *

><p>The past two months filled me with even more suspicions. Like the last time you left, you told us (after continuous prodding from Lily) that you are to be sent by Dumbledore to Romania for some Order business. You even kissed Harry on the forehead before you went. But a letter from Peter came saying that his cousin, whom we met while we were in Hogwarts, spotted you in Spain. Why make a fool out of us, Moony?<p>

On more occasions than one, death eaters attacked us during missions that were supposedly known only by a trusted few. On all instances, you weren't there—you were supposedly sent to other missions… missions that always ended 'successfully'. It drove me mad.

"Moony sure is lucky." Peter said as we rested on James' living room after having our mission sabotaged by death eaters yet again. "What do you mean?" James asked. He was by then banned from any mission, forced into hiding for Harry's safety. "Nothing. It's just that Moony's been getting missions that aren't attacked in any way by death eaters. He sure has been having it easy." Peter sulked. You sure do. I stared angrily at the fireplace. James looked at me but I refused to say anything. Understanding dawned in his eyes.

Peter looked at James, then me, before standing up and stretching his worn limbs, "Well, I'll be off then. Mum's gonna go bonkers if I went home any later." With that, he disappeared with a crack.

"Sirius, don't tell me…" James started, as soon as Peter was gone. "I think it's him, James. I think Moony's the spy." I said, still staring at the fireplace. "Sirius, you don't know for sure…" "I know." I bit out." "Sirius, I know you and Moony aren't on good terms right now. Don't you think it might have clouded your judgments?" James continued. "Don't say that, James. I know what I'm talking about. It's him. I think Peter thinks so, too."

"Since when have you listened to Peter's opinion? Sirius! This is madness—what you're thinking! Bollocks." James said, anger starting to seep into his voice, "I know for sure…" "You wouldn't know 'coz you're not fucking there!" I shouted. "The fuck!" He shouted back. "Prongs, come on. Listen to me. I've been watching him closely. He's changed. He isn't himself. He's so damn secretive, I'm not sure if we can really trust him." I said. James looked as if ready to argue again. I cut him off. "James, I know it seems messed up but it's all piecing itself together. Remember the time he told us he'd be going to Romania? Someone saw him in fuckin' Spain! And, and, lately, he's been disappearing a lot. And when he's gone, some death eater attack happens. He's unscathed, James. Peter says he's never been attacked!"

"But it's Moony we're talking about here!" James exclaimed.

"And that makes it worse!" I shouted back. And it does. I know how powerful a wizard you are—how smart, how very able to scheme if you wanted to. Imagine what you can do, being so close to us… to James, Lily and Harry. "Just, please. _Please_. James, listen to me. Just stay away from him for now. Until I find more proof to convince you. Please."

"I still don't think it's him."

* * *

><p><em>You were passed out when I came. I hunched over you as I waited for my breathing to slow down, watching as a bruise blossomed on your cheek where I hit you. I closed my eyes imagining how the bruises will blend with your scars. The marks of a traitor.<em>

* * *

><p>Traitor. I never imagined that word having any association to you. You were my family—my brother. I would have died for you. And that is why I hate you all the more for betraying us… for making a fool out of us… and now, for almost breaking us apart. We were inseparable before, our circle invincible.<p>

_Well, fuck_. I thought as I downed another shot of firewhiskey, relishing the trail of heat it left in my throat. But as I was about to order another one, to forget everything for a while, I saw you out of the corner of my eye, talking to a suspicious hooded figure that looked familiar. When have I seen him before? My alcohol-muddled mind tried to grasp solid thoughts but failed.

You started walking away with the man. Flashes of what happened months ago ran through my mind—your disappearances, your weird behavior, the incident in the muggle bar, your association with men, your breakdown, your disgustingly half-lidded eyes.

Without thought, I followed you down the alley where I seem to have lost you. But then you appeared before me, all skin and bones and amber eyes. It made me furious.

* * *

><p><em>A pounding headache woke me up from my alcohol-induced stupor. I rubbed my eyes and looked around. There were bloodstains on the messed up sheets, my bag devoid of galleons. The smell of sex hung in the air.<em>

_I saw a note lying on the bedside table saying, "Who's 'Moony'? Anyway, I charged extra 'coz you hurt me. I hope you don't mind that I got the money before you woke up."_

_Tears of frustration fell from my eyes. You fooled me. You lie. And I won't stop until I've caught you and have you pay for everything. I'd play into this little game of yours._

_I won't be your fool. Fuck you._

* * *

><p>AN: Very angry, I know. I'm not sure if it turned out well. I wrote it quite a while ago (two years, to be exact) and I kind of forgot where I wanted this to go so I'm not sure if I'll be able to come up with an update. But it seemed such a waste for me not to post. Thank you very much for reading! Please do review.


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